sweet damnation

The Unfuck Yourself Cake

This cake scared the shit out of me.

I intended to bring it to board game night, my first time back after returning to the East Coast. This cake was meant to be a yellow cake from my favorite recipe, filled with chocolate mousse and wrapped in chocolate frosting. It was also the first cake in almost five months made with the blog in mind. I thought that as soon as I started baking again I’d start writing again, and once I started writing I could figure out some smart, funny way to explain my move back to DC.

Here’s how that went.

  • I didn’t start baking until 10 at night
  • I realized I forgot to buy cake flour
  • I stood at the kitchen counter for thirty minutes debating whether to go back to the store or just give up
  • I didn’t have a single clever thing to say



Pancake Cake: Part Two

Pancake Cake: Part One

Your pastry cream is set. Your kitchen is prepared. Or you just skipped part one. Whatever. Get ready for the easiest layer cake ever. The layers of the Pancake Cake are rich, rustic blueberry buttermilk cake that is the simplest from-scratch cake recipe I’ve ever found. Don’t worry: I still managed to fuck it up.


Pancake Cake: Part One

Fun fact about me: I have no patience for details. In my process pictures, my stove top is always a mess and I haven’t brushed my hair for three days. I still really love all the tiny fussy steps involved in making dessert. It’s like my whole personality takes a vacation for a few hours. But once the oven turns off and it’s time to decorate the damn things, I am full force Myself again. And Myself is not any good at decorating.

That’s how I ended up camouflaging apple spice cake, chai pastry cream, and caramel glaze as a giant pile of pancakes last autumn.


Yes, it was fucking delicious.

Recently one of my coworkers decided that nothing would do but that I make another pancake cake. This time, I played up the pancake aspect with blueberry buttermilk layers and lemon pastry cream filling, generating this beautiful disaster:


Not quite as pancake-looking, but just as delicious.

There are two parts to this recipe: the pastry cream, and then the layers/glaze/assembly. Part 1. the pastry cream, is included below. If you’d rather skip all the process pictures and commentary, I’ll have a bare bones version up soon.